The Devastation of the Storm

I was lying in bed thinking about how this event the kids and I have gone through is similar to when your home is destroyed by a tornado.

You are standing in the street looking at your once beloved home, the place where you felt safe and secure and loved and now it stands there....a pile of rubble, a pile of broken, shattered memories that were ripped apart, so harshly and angrily.

You stand frozen, stunned for a period of time as you look at the devastation and you feel hopeless.

You spend quite some time sad and depressed looking at what has happened to you until one day you decide that you are strong enough to start sifting through the rubble...picking up the pieces of your shattered life. You find little memories that make you sad or that bring joy to your heart. Ultimately you start to remember that God is in control (even though people have been telling you that for months).

So you sift and sort. You throw out the things that have been damaged or are soiled by the twister and keep the things that were joyful at the time even though they are damaged and stained. You start to clean up. You make a pile of old memories and in the process you start making new ones. You start thinking about all the blessings you have and you thank God for them. “You praise Him in the storm”, knowing that as painful as it is, you will learn and grow from it and someday it won't hurt so bad. It's like the death of a loved one....it will get easier with time.

You definitely learn what you are made of. Will you shrivel up in a ball forever, never feeling again or will you pick yourself up, move on with joy and hope for a brighter future?

It has been a seemingly slow process of mourning....a year to be exact since OUR storm. I have chosen to move on. That doesn't mean that I won't have times of regret and sadness with tears thinking about the disaster. It doesn't mean that there won't be times that I think back fondly on what was and use to be and what could have been. I miss parts of that “house”....I was happy there. But with resolve I have made the choice to trust God with what He has put before me.

I am so blessed to have so many people who DO love me, who DO love US unconditionally. I'm thankful for the ones who haven't been judgemental but uplifting, knowing that this hasn't been an easy road. I'm thankful for the help in all ways, from banding together and fixing up the house and yard, to offering a job to someone who basically had no resume anymore, prayers for strength that were lifted up for the kids and I. There were encouraging words spoken and sent and tears that were cried with me. Money and basic necessities that were given so that we could have some fun instead of worrying about finances. People shared their talents to fix things that I couldn't fix.

I know that I may not have done things the way others may have done them, but no one knows exactly how they will handle it until they are in the same position. You may think you would be cold and unfeeling and tough and just kick all the memories to the curb for the garbage man and never look back...maybe you would have, but, I feel deeply and love deeply and loss hurts deeply and it hurt to lose the home that I loved and had lived in for 20 years and it hurt to stand there during the storm and feel it being ripped away from me piece by piece as I desperately tried to hang on...praying that God would save it. But, He chose not to.

I am so thankful to God for the children that He decided to bless me with after three miscarriages. I was thankful at the time each of them was born, but I had no idea how much I would need them down the road. They and their teenage ways keep me laughing, frustrated and ultimately keep me young and keep me going.

Just like those who suffered the devastating loss during a tornado, I don't think I will ever forget what has happened to us, but the feelings of hurt and sadness will hopefully fade with time as they already have and forgiveness will set in more and more. God has a plan and I thank Him for making me stronger.

The birds are singing now, encouraging my soul with hope for a new day!