The Devastation of the Storm

I was lying in bed thinking about how this event the kids and I have gone through is similar to when your home is destroyed by a tornado.

You are standing in the street looking at your once beloved home, the place where you felt safe and secure and loved and now it stands there....a pile of rubble, a pile of broken, shattered memories that were ripped apart, so harshly and angrily.

You stand frozen, stunned for a period of time as you look at the devastation and you feel hopeless.

You spend quite some time sad and depressed looking at what has happened to you until one day you decide that you are strong enough to start sifting through the rubble...picking up the pieces of your shattered life. You find little memories that make you sad or that bring joy to your heart. Ultimately you start to remember that God is in control (even though people have been telling you that for months).

So you sift and sort. You throw out the things that have been damaged or are soiled by the twister and keep the things that were joyful at the time even though they are damaged and stained. You start to clean up. You make a pile of old memories and in the process you start making new ones. You start thinking about all the blessings you have and you thank God for them. “You praise Him in the storm”, knowing that as painful as it is, you will learn and grow from it and someday it won't hurt so bad. It's like the death of a loved one....it will get easier with time.

You definitely learn what you are made of. Will you shrivel up in a ball forever, never feeling again or will you pick yourself up, move on with joy and hope for a brighter future?

It has been a seemingly slow process of mourning....a year to be exact since OUR storm. I have chosen to move on. That doesn't mean that I won't have times of regret and sadness with tears thinking about the disaster. It doesn't mean that there won't be times that I think back fondly on what was and use to be and what could have been. I miss parts of that “house”....I was happy there. But with resolve I have made the choice to trust God with what He has put before me.

I am so blessed to have so many people who DO love me, who DO love US unconditionally. I'm thankful for the ones who haven't been judgemental but uplifting, knowing that this hasn't been an easy road. I'm thankful for the help in all ways, from banding together and fixing up the house and yard, to offering a job to someone who basically had no resume anymore, prayers for strength that were lifted up for the kids and I. There were encouraging words spoken and sent and tears that were cried with me. Money and basic necessities that were given so that we could have some fun instead of worrying about finances. People shared their talents to fix things that I couldn't fix.

I know that I may not have done things the way others may have done them, but no one knows exactly how they will handle it until they are in the same position. You may think you would be cold and unfeeling and tough and just kick all the memories to the curb for the garbage man and never look back...maybe you would have, but, I feel deeply and love deeply and loss hurts deeply and it hurt to lose the home that I loved and had lived in for 20 years and it hurt to stand there during the storm and feel it being ripped away from me piece by piece as I desperately tried to hang on...praying that God would save it. But, He chose not to.

I am so thankful to God for the children that He decided to bless me with after three miscarriages. I was thankful at the time each of them was born, but I had no idea how much I would need them down the road. They and their teenage ways keep me laughing, frustrated and ultimately keep me young and keep me going.

Just like those who suffered the devastating loss during a tornado, I don't think I will ever forget what has happened to us, but the feelings of hurt and sadness will hopefully fade with time as they already have and forgiveness will set in more and more. God has a plan and I thank Him for making me stronger.

The birds are singing now, encouraging my soul with hope for a new day!

Random thoughts

As I'm thinking about writing, the first word that comes into my head is "so"....that seems to be how I start all my writings, including when I try to sit down and write a song.  Why is that?  It's like a continuation of a conversation that really doesn't exist...right?  Anyway that is my first random thought of the day.

So....(there it is)  I'm trying to get these blog posts to sound better, you know, writing wise.  But how can you get clear concise thoughts when your head is full of random thoughts about everything under the sun.  The thoughts just keep popping in and out.  All different topics enter my brain, from why Christians act the way they do when they are suppose to represent Christ, to why people in general do the things they do.  My new favorite saying (started by my daughter) is a quote from Winnie The Pooh...(I seem to quote him a lot these days).  Winnie the Pooh says "you never can tell with bees"....in a very thought provoking tone.  I use that a lot for the very puzzling behavior that I see in people.  You never CAN tell with people, what their thinking or reasoning is for doing things.  I'm NOT surprised by their actions, but at the same time I AM....

I know that God created us to have very complicated brains, but there is a part of me that wonders if they know why they do the crazy things that they do....I know I don't even understand my own behavior at times and wonder if they even know that they are doing Weird things.  My other favorite quote from Winnie is "oh bother"....that seems to sum it up.  Some severely intellectual people might say that my choice of inspiration for quotes was a little on the child like scale....well, so be it....  They seem to fit my feelings a lot of times.  I also quote the Bible at times.  My favorite verse in times of questioning things that seem to have no answer, is from Psalms....."I do not concern myself with things too profound for me"   I wish it were true for me.  I tend to re-hash events and peoples motives and reasons for doing things....which always sends me down the wrong path.

Other things that occupy my brain is all the "to do's" in my head....keeping a clean house, keeping a clean and well kept garden and yard, why do I have so many snakes in my yard and is it cruel to kill them, raising and teaching my children, trying to think of clever ideas to keep them interested in learning, craft ideas to put on the blog, quilting that is getting behind and scrapbooking that seems to have come to a screeching halt, letting people know that I appreciate their concern and love for us (the ones that do), graduation preparations, My oldest's future, spouses for my children to be godly people who will help them be all they can in Christ, My husband and I to be best friends until we die, Christ to come back and get us soon, What to do with my mother and what is the best for her, her yard work and house work, what kind of lawn mower to buy next, what to make for supper, why can't I plan a menu?, why can't I keep the house clean?, who wears all these clothes?, why did my husband bring a dog home?  what would we do without the entertainment of the dog?

And on that note....my brain is tired and now I want to finally go back to sleep....and by the way....why do I have trouble sleeping?  oops....time to shut this brain off for a while before it has an overload.  lol

Sorry for the tangent of randomness...

Let the blogging begin!

So I'm off and running....(o.k. maybe crawling) on this blogging thing. I really don't understand all the legal issues about having ads on your page and all that good garbage. Yikes, such a lot to absorb for such a person as I.

I'm praying that the Lord will bless this little endeavor that I feel like He brought to my mind. I get overwhelmed quickly trying to understand it all. I need to read more how to blog and I definitely need some followers and have forgotten how the "guy" said to do that. blah blah blah...yada yada yada....can I do this? Will it help anyone? I have no clue, but I guess I'm learning things in the process.

On a different note I took a data entry test on the internet today and did 114 (kpm). Not bad considering I only practiced a few times before the test. Oh boy, this trying to get caught up in the work world is a difficult business. I also filled out an online application today which seemed like it took forever.

Oh how I wish the Lord would come back and take me away. Cheap cop out, huh....I know I have work that needs to be done here and I'm not finished working for Him.

So here is to the work ahead....in all aspects of life. Keeping my chin up.... :-)

Disney World....Not for the weak

Well we are back from 8 wonderful days in Florida's Disney World resorts. Not for the physically weak or the weak at heart. We walked a lot, lost 2 of our kids for about 20 min., And were together 24/7 for 8 days in tight quarters.

All week long my line was (with great enthusiasm and sarcasm) "Welcome to Disney World!!!"""

Every time I saw a dad cursing at a stroller that wouldn't fold up correctly, or a child screaming because of the heat, or dissatisfaction in not getting the souveneir they wanted or fighting with siblings, parents fighting over the disappointment of their children. I was sooo thankful that we didn't buy into the whole ritual of taking them when they were 4 or 5 years old because that is

"the magical time", the time "when they believe in the magic"..... I am so glad we waiting until they could recall the magic of flying in a 737 and being terrified of the turbulence. (hee hee) when they could remember the awe of seeing Cinderella's castle for the first time. I am 46 years old and never realized how much I was going to enjoy seeing it in person....I Cried! It was quite magnificent to see this 1920's town with all its people dressed in the time period. I could have done without the heat and humidity of 90 degree days. I even enjoyed the people dressed up like Mary Poppins and Rapunzel, who stayed in character the whole time they were signing autographs. what a fun job to have....at least for a little while.

I enjoyed being with my family, with no real agenda, no responsibilities, no meals to cook or house to clean, no laundry to do. We really had fun just being together. Lovin on our kids on boat rides and relaxing in the hotel room. I really think we needed this time to re-group.

We enjoyed one full day at every park. One day we went to Hollywood studios where they have

an attraction called American Idol, the experience.

Scott talked me into auditioning. I passed the first one and went on to the 2nd audition for the producer and then he played a video on the screen from Ryan Seacrest that told me "welcome to Hollywood!" So then off to the real show, (well not "real") I went. It was a thrill to get my makeup done and have a vocal lesson and then we were walked through how things were going to go onstage. It was incredible how much like the real thing it was. I'm guessing the stage was only half the size, but it was an exact replica besides that. There was a live audience and three "celebrity" judges.

There were three of us competing and they were all really nice people. I felt bad because the one girl had never been on stage before. So, I won that round, it was really cool to feel that feeling. Then it was off to the finale. We got a little break in between that I could hang out with my family and tell them of all the things that happened back stage. And then I was back in there for the last show of the day. This show was all the winners from the five shows they had during the day. The same process of makeup and then a walk thru before the crowd came in.

There was a warm up guy before each show, for each audience, who was really funny. The last half of the day they changed hosts and judges....one of the judges on the 2nd panel was really mean....(the character he played) So while the other judges said nice things to me, I was preparing for the harshness that this guy was going to hurl my way. The judge before him told me that I reminded her of Ann Murray....so when it was his turn he said "yeah, and you bore me as much as she did too." ouch!, that kind of hurt, but I'm glad that I was expecting it.

Any who ... The winner was suppose to win a golden ticket to go to the "real" American Idol audition and skip the initial ones and go right to the celebrity judge audition. Sooooo, at this point I realized that I would not be winning, because I was too old (poor me... hee hee). I realized that the audience would have to take into consideration that whoever was going to win would have to not only be a good singer, but also young enough to compete. So, a young guy by the name of Grant Cullem won, he is in the service and a good singer. He had done this thing at Disney World before, gearing up for the real auditions. I wish him all the luck.

I'm so thankful that my husband talked me into doing it, it was a really fun experience and I'm glad I did it. It was funny that after the shows were over a lot of people were coming up to us on our way through the park or in line at a ride, in the bus or at our hotel and they were asking how I did, or telling me that they voted for me. It was fun for the kids I think, they kept saying "mom, you're famous" hee hee.

My favorite place I think of all disney world was epcot, I think....so hard to pick. But I loved being able to go to all the different places in the world and hear their language. We ate at a restaurant in France and had wonderful french food and got to speak the very little french we knew...It was so much fun to go through Germany and hear all the workers talking together in German. The girls liked going through England and the Norway boat ride....hee hee... The boys liked Test Track (the ride) and Mission space. We all found rides we liked and things we liked to do there. We ate soooo much good food at every park that we adults probably need to go on a diet. It was like being on a cruise when all you do is eat all day. Good thing we were doing a lot of walking.

So many wonderful desserts and main dishes.

it was fun riding all the rides with the kids....we had to force Casey on a few....some she liked, some she didn't... :-)

This was Big thunder mountain railroad....casey wouldn't go on this.

We all enjoyed swimming in the morning and at night when we got back to the room, sometimes at 1o or 11 at night...

Lizards, lizards, everywhere.....literally.....aaahhhh!!!

I was not fond of the heat and lizards like my family was. I saw a snake in the water carrying a fish and haven't stopped thinking about it since. I keep waking up in my bed at night, thinking I'm on the boat and looking over to see if there is a snake. I'm glad to be home although it's going to be hard to get back to reality. In fact, what am I going to serve for dinner....let the games begin...

Sleepless in this place

Why can't I sleep? I like sleep....it feels good to wake in the morning refreshed. Why can't I shut my brain off at times. I have slept one night on my own...(no advil pm) in the past week. Even when I did take Advil pm....I still wasn't really sleeping....I was "groggy thinking".

Oh, to those of you who sleep well, who fall asleep and have a still brain and wake refreshed....Don't take it for granted. Appreciated every morning you wake that way.

Fibromyalgia is no fun, I'll tell you. I didn't think it was going to be any big deal, but it is. When it messes with your sleep and makes you feel achy and hurt all the time, it's a bummer. But we trudge on (those of us who suffer from it), we keep going, try to keep smiling, trying to sleep where we can and wait for the times when we sleep like a rock.

This makes my vacations coming up, look a little scary. No sleep makes me a very cranky girl.

So as I sit here typing and you are all sleeping peacefully, I will try not to be jealous....instead, I'm going to go back in there and give it the old college try....and try to catch some zzzzz's

4 Finished Quilts by fall?

Well, I'm so excited to announce that after approximately a year after starting Amy's

"13th Birthday Quilt" I am almost done....all I have to put on is the binding strip...woo hoo!!!!

There were times while making those blocks that I didn't think that I would ever get done or that I would ever get to see the light of day....after being in the basement for so long. The original pattern called for 80 some....I don't think I quite made it...in fact I only made half, but it was close and plus bigger quilts are getting harder and harder for me to finish with such lack of room. At least that is my story and I'm stickin to it.

I was looking for something colorful for her, since that is what she is all about....colorful socks, colorful sheets, colorful clothes. I love it. I was browsing through quilt images when I ran across this one. Once I showed it to her, the excitement started to grow...for a while (I think even she thought it would never get finished ). So to start, I had to cut out pages out of an old phone book. You heard me right....actually it was a new phone book, but I didn't like it. That is what I pieced them on for a foundation. I thought that was very clever of the woman who thought of it....which wasn't me, by the way. So you start with placing a white strip diagonally down the middle of the square, then place your next color strip or string down on top of the white, but face down. sew the edge a 1/4 inch and then fold it back (face up) and press. and just keep on going. Once you do one side, then you work on the other side of the diagonal square. It was a very time consuming project. First there was purchasing a ton of different fat quarters and some whole yards of fabric, then cutting them into strips, which I think were 3/4 in? There is even some fabric in there from my neighbors mother's house dress. (she died about 5 years ago at the age of 93)

I think it was well worth all the effort.

Now for the other 3 that are still in progress....oh boy! I am really going to try to get them all done this summer, that is if I don't get burned out. I have been doing "quilt as you go" which is nice because once you are done....You are DONE! But, that too is time consuming with all the border cutting of both front and back fabric along with the batting. It's funny that we homeschool mom's think of summer as a break, but really it is just a break from the school books. You still have all the other "mundane" tasks you normally do, but now, in my case I have all the things I've put off all school year to try to get caught up on. Speaking of that there is a bookshelf still in the box, just calling my name and asking if I would be so kind as to put it together so it will actually be of some use. hm..... And by the way...I know that none of these things are earth shattering necessities...but if I didn't have some sort of creative outlet, I think I'd go mad. lol

I'm sure we are all in the same boat........closets that need organization, floors that need to be scrubbed, basements cleaned and organized, garage sales to have, lawns to mow....oh and outside of windows to be cleaned. My mother use to come and do that for me once a year and even clean the screens....wow, was that nice. But the list can get endless. If only the world would stop and we could go in super hyper mode for one day....o.k., maybe two days...oh, I can only dream of all that I would get done! But until that day happens....hee hee.... I'll keep dreaming and plugging away.

DEALS

I love getting deals....today was Goodwills 1.23 sale....all clothing $1.23. I got tons of great deals.

All this for $15....and that is with tax!!

and I love how they are name brands that you'd pay big bucks for in the store....Like Liz Claiborne, Dressbarn, Croft and barrow....I love it!!!

Amy was in need of warmer sweatshirts and Casey needed pajama pants....and woo hoo!! a few extras for mom and Jeremy and you're all set. Praise the Lord for bargains...I don't know how people with bigger families do it...how do they keep everyone clothed?